I've noticed that discouragement often comes when people are fighting with the past.
Have you ever had thoughts like these?
That shouldn't have happened.
I should have known better.
They shouldn't have said that.
These thoughts, and many like them, are essentially arguing with the past.
When we think this way, we're believing the past should be different than it actually is.
We're going to lose that fight every time because the past just IS, now.
We may wish it were different, but it's fruitless and disempowering to fight with it.
Thinking these thoughts gives us a false sense of power because we think we're fighting for something we value.
We can do that, but it usually doesn't move us towards the life and relationship we want.
It's much more empowering to follow these steps:
First accept the facts for what they are (she DID do that and it's a fact)
Pause there to notice that you're no longer fighting with it
Ask yourself "What's in my power here?" and "How do I want to use that power?"
Move forward with intention
Where in your life are you fighting with the past?
What would be better for you if you let go of that fight?
What could you create with that energy?